I'm writing a first draft...again.
I'll back up a little.
I've wanted to be a writer for as long as I remember. I'm an introverted people-watcher and have the weirdest, most complex dreams. And yes, I get offended when people don't want to hear my dreams because, to me, their a mark of my inner genius that I'm still trying to uncover. I know she's in there somewhere, waiting for me to discover her and put her to work.
I am also my own biggest critic - as most introverted people watchers with weird dreams are. To this date, I have completed two first drafts and started countless others. My two completed drafts can be most aptly described as young adult contemporary. I've always been into contemporary novels. There's something about diving into a world that feels like it could exist just outside of your bedroom. I could relate to the characters and their situations. I credit young adult contemporary novels with getting me through my adolescence.
I have a couple unfinished drafts that could be labeled ya fantasy. One in particular comes back to me sometimes. I started it when I was a junior in college and remember being so excited by the story. It was my own little platform to share my opinions about life - more specifically what is wrong with society - in a setting that was new and exciting to me. Maybe one day I'll return to it, maybe when that inner genius comes out of hiding and stops messing with my dreams and helps me in my conscious state.
The most important part of this journey for me is validating myself. I have accomplished a lot in recent years, but none of them were really what I wanted to be doing. I did them because that was what was expected of me. I work hard and it shows. But what I want to do now is work hard on something I love and have something to show for it.
And writing is hard. It's not hard in the putting words on paper part, I'm pretty good at that. It's hard because it's so personal. And because someone could potential read these words one day. I have a box full of journals chronicling my young adult into adult life, but those will remain in that box until I die. Sometimes I fear that I'll die tragically in a car accident or (the more likely scenario) stumbling off some cliff or cruise ship thanks to my epic clumsiness. I fear this will happen and my children (two boys, two girls, the best of friends who start a family band and travel the country, taking me with them) will uncover the box and read its contents. Their hearts will shatter when they realize that their talented, genius mother was once a boy obsessed nerd who used melodramatic extended metaphors to describe her not so dramatic life. Maybe I should burn them now...
Anyway, back to the manuscript. Step one: stop feeling ridiculous for using the word manuscript. Step two: stop stalling by creating blogs about said manuscript and actually write. Step three: keep writing. Step four: edit. Step five (the scariest of all): let someone read your manuscript. So I lied earlier, someone has read my writing. I sent my sister a draft of one of my completed novels and waiting anxiously for her reply. "It's good." That's what I got. She's a reader, she knows what makes a good novel. I was mortified. "It's a first draft," I reminded her. "No, it's good. I promise." No specifics. So I guess it should be more like Step five: let someone who is not related or a friend read the manuscript. Which, in truth, should not be as scary as letting someone I interact with nearly every day read it. But sometimes my mind goes places that defy logic and I have to talk her off the cliff (lest she trip and fall).
I am currently 4,399 words into the first draft. I outlined the entire thing, fleshing it out to a point where I was comfortable diving in. Who knows how closely I will follow it as I am more of a throw paint on a canvas and then make it work later kind of girl, but we shall see.
My goal is to have at least 50,000 words before the next school year starts and I'm sucked back into that madness. I was also going to start a youtube account following this journey but with, you know, teaching high schoolers and all... Updates will be forthcoming.
